The Male Stages of Life:

Age Favorite Drink

17 beer
25 bourbon
35 vodka
48 double vodka
66 Maalox

Age Seduction Line

17 My parents are away for the weekend.
25 My girlfriend is away for the weekend.
35 My fiancee is away for the weekend.
48 My wife is away for the weekend.
66 My second wife is dead.

Age Favorite Sport

17 sex
25 sex
35 sex
48 sex
66 napping

Age Definition of a Successful Date

17 "tongue"
25 "breakfast"
35 "She didn't set back my therapy."
48 "I didn't have to meet her kids."
66 "Got home alive."

Age Favorite Fantasy

17 getting to third
25 airplane sex
35 menage a trois
48 taking the company public
66 Swiss maid/Nazi love slave

Age House Pet

17 roaches
25 stoned-out college roommate
35 Irish setter
48 children from his first marriage
66 Barbi

Age What's the Ideal Age to Get Married?

17 25
25 35
35 48
48 66
66 17
 
Age Ideal Date

17 Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
25 "Split the check before we go back to my place"
35 "Just come over."
48 "Just come over and cook."
66 sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.
 
The Female Stages of Life:

Age Favorite Drink

17 Wine Coolers
25 White wine
35 Red wine
48 Dom Perignon
66 Shot of Jack with an Ensure chaser

Age Excuses for Refusing Dates

17 Need to wash my hair
25 Need to wash and condition my hair
35 Need to color my hair
48 Need to have Francois color my hair
66 Need to have Francois color my wig

Age Favorite Sport

17 shopping
25 shopping
35 shopping
48 shopping
66 shopping

Age Definition of a Successful Date

17 "Burger King"
25 "Free meal"
35 "A diamond"
48 "A bigger diamond"
66 "Home Alone"

Age Favorite Fantasy

17 tall, dark and handsome
25 tall, dark and handsome with money
35 tall, dark and handsome with money and a brain
48 a man with hair
66 a man

Age House Pet

17 Muffy the cat
25 Unemployed boyfriend and Muffy the Cat
35 Irish setter and Muffy the Cat
48 Children from his first marriage and Muffy the Cat
66 Retired husband dabbles in taxidermy, stuffs Muffy the Cat

Age What's the Ideal Age to Get Married?

17 17
25 25
35 35
48 48
66 66

Age Ideal Date

17 He offers to pay
25 He pays
35 He cooks breakfast the next morning
48 He cooks breakfast the next morning for the kids
66 He can chew breakfast

The Ages of Men & Women ...

The Ages of Women:

1. Between the ages of 13 and 18, she is like Africa...virgin and unexplored.
2. Between the ages of 19 and 35, she is like Asia... hot and exotic.
3. Between the ages of 36 and 45, she is like America... fully explored.
breathtakingly beautiful, and free with her resources.
4. Between the ages of 46 and 56, she is like Europe... exhausted, but still
has points of interest.
5. After 56 she is like Australia... everybody knows it's down there but who
gives a damn.

Ages of Men:

1. Between the ages of 18 and 26... Tri-weekly.
2. Between the ages of 27 and 46... Try, weekly.
3. Over 47... Try, weakly.